Callum, Age 16, North Carolina
CALLUM: It’s hard to put it into words because of how scary and frustrating things are right now. Sometimes I try to not think about it. I worry a lot – I’m a big worrier – but I feel this is a valid thing to worry about because things are happening, and this is reality. I feel all these different feelings; the main one recently is anger.
I can imagine what it would be like if my gender affirming care were taken away. It would be like going back to how I was before – meaning a couple years ago – but it’s hard to think about because of how much gender affirming care has helped.
MOM: I know that my husband and I feel the same. We’re going to make sure he’s ok. We’re very privileged, we have resources. If we have to move, we’ll move. Cal already had his surgery so, too bad, they can’t take that away. And in terms of the medicine – he’s getting his medicine! I don’t care. It’s a very primal feeling, making sure that my kid is going to be ok. The other side of it is this blind rage that this is even happening in the first place. It’s rage about my own kid because how dare anybody tell me that my kid doesn’t have the right to exist! Which is basically what they’re saying. Politicians might tell you that they are just against having the medicine, but what they are actually saying to my child is ‘Do not exist as you are.’ And how dare you. I can get really mad about it, but the best thing for me would be to do advocacy, which I’m not. And I hope that one day I can. But that would be the best way to release the anger a little bit. Though this I guess is a form of advocacy, and we’re doing this.
DAD: When you asked about having the gender affirming care taken away, I just felt this wave of emotion because it might sound weird, but I hadn’t necessarily thought about that. We would never let that happen to Cal. Just thinking about the children that could have that taken away from them… it’s such a cruelty. It’s so cruel. There’s such a meanness about it. It’s just terrible. We’re not going to let that happen to Callum, no matter where we have to move or whatever we have to do. The way Callum’s life has changed for the better so profoundly, and to have somebody say that’s against the law? The thing that saved his life? It’s just so wrong. It’s so mean.
CALLUM: I’ve been trying to get involved in advocacy for a while now. I’ve been kind of procrastinating doing it, because in some ways I’ve felt scared about everything that’s going on and also I don’t want to be seen as different. But I saw this project and thought, you know, maybe now is the time. Maybe now is the time for me to feel better about myself, for me to feel confident enough to just show people who I am and show people that we exist and we’re here.
Probably everyone says this, but things get better. I’m here, and I’m still getting better. I’m still struggling every day with countless things like dysphoria and everything like that. I talk to some of my friends who are pre-T, before gender affirming care, and what I try to tell them is, no one can fix it but you. You just got to try your best, and things will get better. I’ve been through a lot of mental health crisis and, in a way, they helped me get to where I am now. They helped me help other people, they helped me help myself.
MOM: As a parent, the decisions are very fraught and you have people screaming at you – trans people saying do this, non-trans people saying do this, and people have all kinds of ulterior motives. Accept that, yes, this is a very hard decision. There’s not a clear answer, and the answer is not going to be the same for everybody. But all we have is what we can do in the moment.
DAD: Our love for our son is what we’ve let guide us through this journey. You grow up a certain way, have a certain set of beliefs, but your love for your child is the guide. You don’t need to listen to any other guide. You have to do what you have to do to keep your child alive. Hopefully that love is felt by them, and that they know that you’ll be with them until your last breath to support them in having a full life.
CALLUM: Sometimes I struggle with people pushing against certain things, pushing against me and my identity, and something that’s really helped me is my parents. I know I don’t always show it, maybe I don’t ever show it, but just being here is such a privilege. My parents were on board right away, and I’m just very thankful for that.