Ella, Age 8, Missouri
ELLA: I don’t want to have to tell them that I can be me. It makes me feel mistreated and it makes me feel beneath them.
MOM: Remember when we went to the capital and we spoke in front of the Senate, and all those men and women were talking about your medical rights? Remember how they said you were too young to make a decision about who you are, that you’re not old enough to know who you are?
ELLA: Yeah. It made me feel very upset. It was unexpected, and it was unfair. My neighbor is sometimes a little rude to me. And when I was younger and I first trans-ed, my grandma didn’t understand. I would do my nails and she would say, “Boys don’t do any of this.” It kinda made me sad, but I knew she was wrong and it was just a mistake.
MOM: Grandma just had to learn. Do you remember what mommy and daddy did? We sat down and we had a big long talk with her and explained everything, and told her that she doesn’t get to say things like that to you because you’re a child. That we all just need to be supportive of you and see where your life leads you, because we only get one life and by golly we’re gonna be happy no matter what.
ELLA: Now she’s really supportive. She’s really nice. We don’t get to see her that much but when we do it’s really fun.
MOM: Watching her go through this, I feel as though I’ve learned more from Ella than I have from most adults. My husband feels the same way. As a parent this is not something you expect to happen, but it’s been eye-opening for us. It’s been an amazing journey and she has led the way. She’s taught us so many great things.
These bills are scary because we know who Ella is and if Ella is forced to remain male, it’s devastating to think what it would do to her. We haven’t had issues with the sports bill or sports in general. Ella is in gymnastics and I was very up front with the staff in my initial correspondence with them. From the first email back the coaches used ‘she,’ ‘her,’ and ‘Ella.’ They were fantastic. I probably didn’t need to say anything at all, but Ella’s gotten to the point now where she’s so comfortable talking about herself. In kindergarten and first grade she was very private, she was very specific about who she wanted to inform. You had to earn her trust in order for her to tell you, so only a couple of friends knew. This year she came out to her whole second grade class! It was wonderful. Her teacher immediately called me and said, “OK, this is what Ella just told us. What can I do to support your child?” That was phenomenal. Ella knows who she is. She’s so confident. I don’t ever want to see that break.
We have enough ridiculous law makers in the country, in this state.These people just don’t care. They’re gonna do what they want.
ELLA: I feel like they’re making laws because they don’t understand. They don’t understand that we are who we want to be and they don’t understand that we can…
MOM: Are you having a hard time finding a word? Are you trying to find the word “exist?”
ELLA: Yeah. That we can exist.
MOM: Be there. Support ‘em. Love ‘em. We created this child, and we don’t have the right to turn our backs on our kids. Our job is to be their parent no matter what. You know, when I made a vow to my husband it was for better or worse. If I can’t turn my back on my husband, I can’t turn my back on my child. We’re in this through thick and thin. Just love your child and amazing things happen.
ELLA: Follow your dreams. Be whatever you want to be and don’t forget that you are the one who chooses to be you, nobody else can choose. I wanna be a fashion designer and I want to make clothes that are comfortable for kids like me.
MOM: You’re so awesome.