Haven, Age 20, New Hampshire
HAVEN: These laws don’t affect me nearly as much as a lot of other people. I’m very lucky to have the parents I do who are really supportive of me, and I’ve always lived New Hampshire which isn’t very impacted by a lot of this stuff yet. But they’re trying! I’ve got a friend who’s in Oklahoma right now. They don’t necessarily want to physically transition, but it’s still dangerous for them to even go outside. And that’s scary. The anti-trans laws are actually really starting to cast a shadow over everyone, regardless of where we live. I worry about my friends. I worry about the future of me living in this country. It’s a pretty constant threat. It’s just always there.
DAD: I think what Haven said about the shadow is a really good analogy. There’s a growing shadow that seems to be spreading, and it’s slowly covering more and more territory. And where does it stop? How do we push back against that and stop it from taking over and making our country a darker place in general? While these laws don’t impact us directly, they do have an impact on the entire country, and where we’re headed as a country.
MOM: I’ve fought the bills very strenuously in the last couple years. In 2018 New Hampshire passed bills to protect everybody, and then they started being torn down in really mean ways. I think it’s really important to be seen, I think it’s important to be out in public, to be out in school. It’s the most bizarre thing to go from having a child who was probably in the most privileged category that there is in our country, to end up sort of toward the bottom of the stack. I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life, but the last four years have been a real. It’s a miserable mistake of people to treat each other so brutally.
HAVEN: Looking at the reasoning behind the people trying to pass these laws – there is constant accusations of trans people being pedophiles or perverts. It’s the same rhetoric that was used against gay men back in the 70s and 80s. We’re the newest, biggest thing to latch onto and try to suppress and I really feel like if anyone manages to pass enough laws or do enough things to get trans people to go back into hiding, it’s just going to keep affecting more and more people. Gay folks and then women’s rights and it’s not going to stop.
I wanted to get involved in this so I could maybe be some kind of supportive voice. I don’t claim to speak for every single trans person in existence. I can’t, I’m just myself. But being another voice in the crowd and being able to be there for other trans people is very important to me. A lot of people I’ve known are way too scared to come out and be themselves because of the environment they live in, or their parents, or because it's just not safe. Ever since I met someone who was very openly trans and very loud about it, I’ve really wanted to be that for other people. So thank you for giving me that opportunity.
MOM: We’ve been through a huge transformation since Haven began their transition, but it was never a shock for us. It was a relief to know what was going on because my little smiling baby stopped smiling one day, and we didn’t get it. We literally cannot understand somebody not loving their own kid.
DAD: Just love your children. The day Haven was born we were in love with them. Before they were born, even. That doesn’t change. If anything, we have grown. I have grown tremendously since they’ve come out and no it’s not always easy, but I wouldn’t change a minute of it. It’s worth every second to watch them blossom and become who they are because my wife’s right- at a certain point, Haven started to go downhill, become not as happy. But that has turned around and they are becoming themselves, becoming a much bigger person than I ever imagined. Bottom line – just love your kids and help them through everything. I was never against the trans community, I just didn’t know about it. I grew up in a very different area, but once I found out about the community and all the people who were part of it, and the support, and the love, everything changed. Just support your kids and help them get into the community. And grow. Evolve. Let them be who they’re supposed to be.
HAVEN: Shit sucks, and I’m sorry it’s like that, and god I hope we can do something about it!