Juls, Age 23, Florida
JULS: I just don’t understand why instead of going forward, which is what we’re supposed to do, we’re going backwards. I come from Brazil, and only now are we starting to make change in our community. Brazil is the one of the biggest countries in the world that kills trans people, but trans people are still making progress there. And here we’re going backwards.
One of the reasons my Mom told me it was a good idea for me to come to the United States is precisely for safety, for me to be able to be who I am and to do what I gotta do without the fear that something’s gonna happen to me, or someone will harm me. But now I don’t know. Where are we safe, where are we actually going to be ok?
MOM: I believe that if I compare the US to Brazil, I would still choose for you to live here. I think it is safer here for trans people. Between the worsts, here is better but I am in shock about the anti-trans laws. When we had the option for you to be here or in Brazil, I preferred you to be here because I thought it had more conditions for you to develop into the person you are. Now they will create these laws and make all these changes. I am just in shock. It feels like we are going backward.
JULS: Yeah, that is the question. How can we go forward, and then go backwards? I feel insecure every day when I have to leave to go somewhere because I’ve been a victim of human trafficking, so for me to go outside is already a struggle and with these laws going on it’s even more scary. I tell my Mom that I will be ok, but I never know if I’ll go out and come back alright. Sometimes I think that I would rather stay home than go anywhere. When it affects your soul and spirit, it’s really hard for you to get back up. You can punch me many times, and that physical pain will go away eventually, but things that accost your spirit and soul can take years to heal and you just got to find a strategy to deal with that. As you can see, make up is one of my coping mechanisms. I’m not a professional make-up artist, but make-up is what saves me on a daily basis.
For anyone who is either starting or thinking about transitioning – it’s a process, and patience is everything. That was the first thing my Mom taught me. When I was a kid, I lived with my grandma and my parents lived in Japan, very far away. For years I grew up not being with my parents, and every time they called I would tell them that I wanted to see them so bad and they would say “You need to have patience.” I believe that from that moment forward, everything else that came through my life, I had to use that lesson. I had to be patient. So don’t ever give up. Really. Don’t ever give up on whatever goal you have in your life. And don’t ever think you’re alone girl, because we’re all here and I’m pretty sure that we’re going to survive anything. Know that anything that you may do, girl, you’ve already jumped a really long way just by being who you are. And don’t ever think that you’re alone, because you’re not.
MOM: The mother and father are always thinking about what is best for their child. When we first go against our children transitioning, it is because we want to protect them from what they will face. But when you see that it becomes hard to provide them with the protection you think they need, the only remaining solution is love. You have to realize that you have to show love to your son or daughter, that you love him or her, and whatever they do, you will stand by them.
Negative things will happen, and life will knock them down, but the father, the mother, and the family have to stand by them to help. It is not easy if the parents are not on their side because many people are already standing against them. So that's the message I want to give. Let love speak louder, and do not look back. Always stay by your child's side so that you can pick them up when they fall and tell them “keep going”. If not, you are making their life worse instead of better.
JULS: I’m not going to lie. I came here to this country by myself, I’ve been living here for 6 years by myself. It’s been a lonely road, but I feel that what I’m doing is right, and where I am is right. I’m grateful for my Mom because she’s the one that helped me and supported me through this.
MOM: Let me give you an example; when you plant a rose, and it is growing, several bugs and insects will try to attack it. Sometimes we put a net around it to protect it, but that does not always work. Instead, it works to stake the plant in the ground so it is supported and grows. That is the role of the Mom and Dad, to be that support.