Mattie, Age 14, Hawaii
MATTIE: I don’t see why people care so much. Most of it comes from their religion, and I thought the first thing, when we got away from Britain, was to have religious freedom. If kids know who they are, then they should be able to freely express that. Everyone’s claiming it’s for youth safety, and it’s not for youth safety. It’s for youth control.
None of this is about politics. None of our rights being taken away is about politics. It’s about people out there suffering and dying. It’s about empathy. It’s simply about trying to protect kids who want to be who they are. That’s it. That’s the bottom line.
Right now people are focusing on trans youth because social media grows and grows, and more people are figuring themselves out quicker. And I think a lot of people are picking up on that. They think that we’re all wrong, and dumb, and we don’t know what we’re doing. There’s probably going to be higher suicide rates now with trans youth, which are already super high.
MOM: In Hawaii, suicide is the leading cause of death for teenagers ages fourteen to twenty-four. I am a mom first and foremost, but I’m also a therapist. I grew up in a household that was ultra conservative. Super, super right. And if I could be very transparent, it’s been hard for me. It’s so, so, so hard to describe the journey. Mattie was not a kid who was like, “Oh, I’m a boy, I’m a boy, I’m a boy.” And that doesn’t mean that Mattie’s not trans. I think what I really want people to understand is that we’re not trying to influence straight kids to become trans. We’re trying to make sure that our trans kids stay alive. That’s it. You know? That’s it.
MATTIE: The people making these laws, I doubt they even understand the process of going through HRT. I’m trying right now, and there’s a process. They need to know that you have gender dysphoria. You need both parents’ consent. And this is just in Hawaii which is a very blue state, a very chill state.
I’m very privileged. I have supportive people around me. I’ve gone through very little transphobia throughout this. For those who are really struggling, who are not privileged like I am, I’m so deeply sorry. But know that there are people who will support you, and you just need to hang on a little bit longer. You’re not alone. Every feeling you have is completely valid. All the anger, the sadness, the depression, anxiety, it’s all valid. And it’s OK. It will get better. But you can’t give up. No matter what situation you’re in.
MOM: I think it’s important for parents to take a moment to do some self-reflection. I’m Asian, so I’m not very outspoken, that’s not how I was raised. But the message is so important, more important than my fear of speaking out. The message is: allow your child to speak up, and allow yourself to listen. Mattie wanted to cut their hair since they were little. I didn’t let them. Every year, I’d say, “No, no.” When we finally let them cut their hair in seventh grade, and I just finally saw my kid.
I encourage parents to understand that these kids are born through us, but they are not our property. Parents need to be honored that they’re part of this journey, but also know that they want to equip their child with enough self-confidence that they actually become what they’re supposed to be and who they truly are. Self-reflection takes courage. Your family, friends, everyone will have their own opinions. At the end of the day, the most valuable thing to me is my relationship to my kid, so that’s going to come before anything. And I hope other parents will choose to do the same. It’s not easy.