Max, Age 14, Texas
MAX: I don’t really focus on these laws, because I’ve got plenty of better things to do. I don’t know a lot about them to be honest.
MOM: Remember when we had Ken Paxton over for dinner? We invited him over specifically to meet you, I think you were in third grade, so that he could make life less shitty for trans kids in Texas. And then he was the one that told Greg Abbott CPS should investigate families like ours. Remember when the case worker came and interviewed us?
MAX: It was like he met us, and then he betrayed us. But this stuff just doesn’t really affect me because I have lots of things I can accomplish, and they can’t stop me. I guess I just don’t look for the clouds on a sunny day. I try to find joy in everything, because all these bad people are coming at me for just being me and I don’t want to focus on that.
MOM: It’s not been easy. I wake up every day wondering what fresh hell the government is going to devise to make our lives more miserable. It’s like I’m in a dark room and I’m punching wildly, and once in a while I’ll land a blow on this monster, but then it disappears again. We’re constantly fighting, and we deserve better than that.
It upsets me when politicians who are adults pick a target that’s a child, for their own political gain. Here we are living in Texas, and people are like ‘Why don’t you just move?’ and I’m like ‘Why don’t you just help?’ Where are going to go that’s safe?
I don’t like it when people put the impetus on us, like we have done something wrong for staying in Texas. Max is doing so great here. He’s thriving in sports and school, with his friends, here in our church. We’re anchored here. Practically speaking, it doesn’t make sense for us to move. But from a greater philosophical standpoint, where would we go that’s safe and why is that responsibility on us?
MAX: I just want to help other kids and show them that it’s ok. Do your own thing, find what makes you happy. My family, my music, and my cats make me happy. Their names are Big Jeffrey, Little Burgers, and Queen Peaches.
MOM: Do you remember that conversation we had when you were in first grade, when you came out to me? No? I love that you have no memory of that conversation. So many people lose sleep figuring out how to come out to their parents, but for Max it was just me tucking him in and I was like ‘Are you a boy?’ and he was like ‘Yeah’ and I was like ‘Ok cool, go to bed.’ After that moment I thought we were the only parents on the planet that had a transgender child, and I had no idea what to do next.
To parents of trans kids, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Tune out the noise and listen to what matters. And that’s your kids. Follow their lead, don’t be listening to the politicians and preachers. Listen to your kid, they’ll tell you exactly what it is they need. Max was trying to tell me for years that he was a boy, and I just wasn’t listening because I didn’t know what that meant. Once I started following his lead, it was like this light inside of him burst forth. It’s the easiest thing in the world to love your kid. If you think it’s difficult, you're doing it wrong. I never had a daughter, I had a son, and once I understood that his whole life just became an order of magnitude brighter and more promising and happier.
I’m so grateful that you don’t have to deal with any of this bullshit – your Dad and I are doing that for you – but that doesn’t mean that we should stop fighting for other trans kids. These bills, whether or not they pass, are absolutely harming our kids. So, I’m grateful that my kid is doing well, but we do this work so that all trans kids can thrive and succeed.