Noni, Age 23, Massachusetts
NONI: I know my people are in danger, but I truly don’t know the extent of the danger because it’s so hard for me to keep up with what’s going on in the world given the identities that I hold. Being Black and trans and queer – it’s not joyful to watch the news. When you turn on the news, you don’t see good headlines for people like me.
I’m originally from Ohio, so I know the political landscape of that state very well and I couldn’t imagine myself going back to even visit my family. I don’t see myself finding a safe space in Ohio where I can exist and just be myself, be free. I literally just want to exist. It’s scary to not be able to say that I’m trans to people, because that is a core part of my identity. That influences the way that I move through the world. I know there’s debate in the community about living stealth or not living stealth. Personally, I don’t want to live stealth. I want people to know that I’m trans, especially as a Black trans person. I feel that my Black womanhood, my Black girlhood affects how I move through the world. It’s hard for me to erase that from my being.
Just existing, just being who I want to be, where I want to be, is me fighting back. I’m too burnt out to actually be on the front lines, protesting with people in DC and writing my legislators. I’m too tired for that. It doesn’t get my community anywhere. That’s not how we have historically fought back so I don’t see that paying off in my favor.
FAMILY: I grew up in Florida, born and raised. I grew up in a Christian household, and there’s a real fear of the unknown. A sense that if I don’t know it, I want to control it. And that’s a very scary thing. Being Black has always carried a narrative of misunderstanding, of people not knowing the history of how we have been treated. How they used to measure our heads, you know what I mean? Just because we’re Black. It’s interesting because there’s fear being Black, there’s fear being trans, there’s so much fear being queer - and it’s met with equal fear on the other side. The lack of openness is killing us.
NONI: Voices like mine just aren’t heard. There are too many people who are burnt out and tired, and Black, and beautiful, and they just can’t fight anymore given everything they’ve been through. I wanted to be that one light for somebody.
FAMILY: You’re my light. I ain’t even playing.
I’m twice Noni’s age, so I’ve been existing as a queer person longer than he’s been alive, but his voice has changed me and is so much louder. I knew from the moment we met that I wanted to always be there as a support for him. No matter what. It is a painful thing to witness a human being, a Black trans man, overcome with sadness.
NONI: To all the trans youth out there – keep doing you. Y’all are making waves. Just keep existing, keep talking. Don’t let the fire beneath you go out, just keep fighting for people like me who can’t do it anymore.
FAMILY: I have a vision of an overabundance, a waterfall of love around Noni all the time. Never stop loving. Always listen. Always have patience. And just always be there. Always, and in all ways. At the end of the day the only thing that matters in this family is love. Lead with love, embrace with love, protect with love, comfort with love. That’s it.