Sammy, Age 12, Illinois
SAMMY: I don’t think it’s fair. I think everyone should be treated equally. The laws make me feel kinda sad and upset. Disappointed.
MOM: The restroom has recently been an issue. Luckily, the school has made accommodations. But I worry, I’m always thinking about safety first. I was really thrilled this past weekend, going home to Fort Wayne, Indiana. I was worried, because it’s Indiana, but guess what was happening? Pride Fest Weekend. The first time I’ve ever seen it happening in my hometown which is super conservative. We’re going to be visiting California soon, because that’s one of the places we’re considering living, and part of that reason is we want our child to be as free as possible to live their life. Again, it goes back to safety, and finding community.
SAMMY: There are some people who are against trans people because they’re not used to people being different, and they think it’s gonna hurt the society.
DAD: I think we both have always been the type of folks who are just accepting of people as they are. But now I find myself being more of an ally and an advocate, versus just being accepting. Now we really have something that we want to fight for. We’re fighting for Sammy, hoping to make sure that laws and policies are equitable and fair so that when he’s an adult he doesn’t have to fight those battles all over again.
MOM: Though it’s not a guarantee. I always thought the country I grew up in was founded on individuality. That’s the reason they broke away from England, so that they could be free to be themselves. I guess I don’t understand why our country feels that any of this is a threat, for someone to be their authentic self. For them to feel good about themselves. We went through a rough patch with Sammy, where, for two years we just couldn’t figure out what was going on. The energy in our house was off. I mean, we just couldn’t put our finger on what was happening. And then the pandemic came and that was what finally caused Sammy to say, “This is who I am.” Admittedly, it took me aback. Because it was hard for us to have children. It was hard for me to bring a child into this world. And I had fixed my mind on what I thought our life would be. But I quickly realized, “This is my child. I love my child. And this is who God wanted me to have. And we’re gonna nurture this child.” So whatever Sammy needs, we’re there, we’re on the front lines doing whatever’s necessary.
DAD: When you start chipping away at the rights of one group you don’t like, what’s to stop you from chipping away at the rights of another group you don’t like. And another. And another. Until the only people that have rights are the people who look just like you or act just like you, and that’s not the principles that this country was built upon.
SAMMY: Nobody should be afraid to be themselves. Just try not to get into dangerous situations, and make sure people respect your identity. Try not to stay in denial if you know who you are. I feel like this country needs to start living up to the Constitution.
DAD: We’ve noticed a significant change in our child’s mental attitude and energy and activity. Holding all of that in was a huge burden on him. When he was finally able to come forward and talk about who he truly is, and got the support that he needed, all of that changed. You have to be able to meet your child where they are. Even if you’re not fully ready to accept, and we’re still going through part of our own journey, you need to be able to support. I hear way too many stories of kids whose families have turned their backs on them. And they end up on the street. Or they end up with adopted families. Or they end up hustling from place to place. And you just don’t want that. There has to be an avenue for all of these parents to really and truly embrace their kids.
MOM: Love conquers all. Your kid is your kid is your kid. Just because you didn’t know who they really were doesn’t mean that’s not who they really are. It’s about unconditional love. I mean, there’s no conditions here between any of us. I look at Sammy’s face and know that I have to be the best person to make sure that Sammy gets the best out of life. We are honored to be parents.
DAD: There seems to be this misconception that children don’t know their own mind and don’t know their own body. But the vast majority of these kids know that there’s a disconnect between how they were born and how they truly feel on the inside. Everybody’s journey isn’t the same, everybody’s journey isn’t smooth. Take it as fast or slow as you need to. But open yourself up to understand that your child probably knows more about themselves than you do.